I hate change

Today one of my really good friends from freshman year (who has since graduated) walked into guidance. Now silly me thought we could pick up were we left off gave set person a really big hug. In return I got a half hearted huge back and a pathetic smile. And while small talk may have been considerate it only seemed forced and awkward. It makes me sad, I wish things could just go back to the way they were.

I realize that as we grow older we have encounter hard situations but I had no idea that it would be so soon.

One minute you think someone loves you then they never speak to you, make rude commits about your believes, and insist that everything you do is wrong. The last time I checked I was just doing what I thought was right. You go from practically sharing everything and talking all the time to not even saying hello or good morning or how are you? It makes me sad, I wish things could just go back to the way they were.

Now because of change people are choosing sides. Almost like a game of man hunt, except you are left in a team that includes you and yourself. The other team/teams try to make you pick sides; choosing by who you like more, who is the coolest, who makes the best grades etc. The only thing that is racing around in the little extra room in your brain is "why can't we be friends?" and although it may sound like side humor to lighten the mood it's not. It's it actually how you feel. One team expects you to stab the other in the back while the others want you to spy and get secret info from the the opposing team's leaders. Keep in mind you are only one girl and all though you may have a little back up help from those how truly love you, you have you have to fight this battle on your own.

Then a ton of bricks crashing down on you. No friends, no connection, no one to help you out; paralyzed. You have to start making decisions and choosing over good, better, or best. Finally when you make a decision those situations left behind are still a problem. Because even though you make the best decision for youself it doesn't matter because you didn't do what everyone else wanted or expected.  In the end you are left and even worst situation. It makes me sad, I wish things could just go back to the way they were.

Even then you are not getting "feed" in the way you should. Their is not enough nutrients! So, you have to provide for yourself practically "feeding" everyone else on the way  because they are suffering from the same malnutrition. This famine dominoes to were you have to pick up the pieces. You are expected to do things out of your comfort zone and sometimes out of your ability. It makes me sad, I wish things could just go back to the way they were.

But don't forget on top of all of this turmoil and chaos you have that one thing. This thing has weighted you down since the day you entered this life; and  it will exist til the day you die. You won't let it weigh you down but others will use it against you and when they do it only makes life just that much harder. Judging and criticism only leads to unhappiness. It makes me sad, I wish things could just go back to the way they were.


The worst thing of all is not that you are changing its all of the people around you. Sure you may get a hair cut or a nice new dress, HEY your likes and dislikes may have changed but since day one you have always stuck to your guns. The standard hasn't dropped, the morals were never lost, the values never changed. Just the apathy of others.