Why I am, who I am

I wrote this easy for my dual enrollment class. I think it's pretty good:)

I feel that at such a young age I still have so much to learn.  I know that I am not yet the person that I will  be when I am on my death bed, neither am I the person I was when I first entered this world. As I reflect on my life thus far I believe that my learning disability, my parents and teachers, and choosing to making the best decision for myself have all shaped me into the person I am today.

That is right I have a disability.... It’s a Learning disability- which means I have difficulty receiving and retaining information. You may think “This gal seems relatively normal but not all disabilities are always noticeable like Down-Syndrome or Aspergers. I have been blessed to have a lot of advice-givers in my life and they have opened my eyes and helped see that I can overcome and out smart my disability. These certain people have never given up and don't let their disabilities hold them back. When I was first diagnosed it was a weight that slowed me down for a long time. But as I have grown it has become who I am. I was tested when I was about 8 years old. Basically if I don't write down every number in a math problem the numbers "fall off the table" and if I don't spend a lot of time reading I will never finish a book. When I read it uses 75 percent of my brain, I fall asleep often, which can be a challenge when it comes to school work.

One thing that my disability has taught me is to stick up for myself.  One particular moment comes to mind, the French final exam in 10th grade. I am usually the last person to finish, I still finish in the allotted time but I am ALWAYS the last one to turn my papers in. I was sitting in French taking our final exam and like I told you I was the last one to finish. Have you ever been trying to concentrate and all you could focus on was an annoying noise in the background. Well, the troublemakers of the class thought it would be a good idea to talk really loudly even though I was still working. My teacher told them to be quiet numerous times but you know how trouble makers are... Through the midst of them talking and making a ruckus every so often they flipped me the birdie and became ruder and ruder. By the last 10 problems one of the two troublemakers leaned over to the other and said, "let’s stare at her until she finishes.” Now if any of the other things they were doing didn't distract me before this sure did! I finally finished the exam with 30 minutes to spare. But when I stood up to turn it in I couldn’t let the moment of opportunity pass me by.  I said as boldly (and sarcastically) as I could "thanks so much for helping me with my dyslexia. I really appreciate the respect and courtesy you gave me.” and then sat down. But at the time I was really mad.

Dyslexia is a trial and hardship, but it is also a blessing. It teaches me to stand up for myself, patience, understanding, and humility. At times I can be ungrateful but try to be more grateful for what I have rather than what I don't have. I have learned that most of our infirmities are given to us to teach us something in this life. I know I have already been shaped by my disability. I am sure there is a lot more for me to learn.

My mentors have shaped me into how I am today. They helped me establish my virtues and helped me develop talents and strengthen my weaknesses.  The main mentors in my life are my parents; they have taught me everything I know about the world around me. My mom has a teaching degree and has helped me through long sleepless nights of 50 page reading assignments, as well as taught me the basics -to walk and talk.  She has always been a shoulder to cry on, and has never failed to let me down-she is someone anyone can rely on. My dad has taught me to work hard. He is the kind of man, that if there was not work left in the whole world, he would go in the backyard and started digging a hole-he would make his own work. He has taught me right from wrong and helped me ascertain the standards and values which I live by. One night when I was about 6 years old my mother, putting my sister and me to bed, was talking to us and told me “Don’t be so pessimistic.” I then proceeded to ask her what a pessimistic was and she laughed and corrected. “A pessimist is someone who always is negative, the opposite of an optimist who always sees the best in things.” Being the tenacious individual I am I told her, “I will always be an optimist from now on.” And I have. In fact I am one of the happiest people you will ever meet!

My parents have not been the only mentors in my life. I have been greatly influenced my high school band director Jason Allgair. He has cultivated my love for music, emotion, and people. He selected me as band captain my senior year which has taught me leadership, confidence and love. He continually teaches me about life-how to life and be happy. Not only has has been a basis of all the major decisions I have made thus far but it has reminded me that someone believes in me. 

About couple weeks into my sophomore year lots of things changed in my life and I had to start making decisions and being responsible. It was a hard thing to do since I practically lived my life around the saying; “I may or may not be indecisive. I haven’t decided”. On one particular day I ran into one of my really good friends from freshman year (who had since graduated). Now silly me thought we could pick up were we left off. I gave said person a really big hug. In return I got a half hearted hug back and a pathetic smile. And while small talk may have been considerate, it only seemed forced and awkward. I then realized that things change and that you can’t base your life around your friends because they won’t always be there for you. At the time my peers were changing and choosing their values. Almost like a game of manhunt, except I felt as if I was left in a team that includes me, myself, and, I.  The other team/teams tried to make me pick sides; choosing by who I like more, who was the coolest, who made the best grades etc. The only thing that was racing around in the little extra room in my brain is "why can't we be friends?" and although it may sound humorous, it wasn’t. It was actually how I felt. One team expected me to stab the other “team” in the back while in opposition the others wanted me to spy and get secret information from the opposing “team” leaders. Keep in mind I am only one girl and all though I may have had a little back up help from those how truly loved me, I had to fight that battle on my own. I began to face the inevitable and started picking sides. Then a ton of bricks came crashing down on me; I was left friendless, connectionless, without help; paralyzed.

When I made any decision, the problems I left began to haunt me like a ghost. Even though I made the best decision for myself it didn’t matter because I didn't do what everyone else wanted or expected.  In the end I was left in an even worse situation. From then on I stuck to my guns. If peopled didn’t like the standards I upheld in life-they left. I started being okay with it as well. I learned that the only way to make myself happy was to choose for myself. This has since been the basis of all my decisions in life and will be for the rest of my life. If it doesn’t make me happy I don’t do it, no matter what others say or do. It’s my life. I decide!

           

 I am dyslexic. I am a reflection of my mentors. I make my own decisions based on what makes me happy. And I am Carolyn Thornton.  My dyslexia, my mentors, and my choices have all molded me into the person I am today. Even though I feel I learn so much everyday, and am still learning, I know that these things have made me who I am today. It may not be the person I am when I die, but I don’t think much will change. I’ll just get wiser.

That is right blog, this one is about you!!

So i had to write this for my english class and i chose the topic that i could include my blog!

April of 2010 I began to blog due to the frequent posts by my aunt on here blogs; I thought. I like to write/talk about myself as much as the next guy. Why not? I wasn’t exactly sure on what I was going to blog about or how often I would do it, there I was sitting at the computer signing up. Since then I have been consistently updating .It helped in the pass to not only arrange my thoughts but also blow off steam.  Life would be more cluttered and unorganized if I didn’t publish on my blog.

Writing and I have a love, hate relationship… I love talking about myself and I like to think that others like to hear about me.  I love expressing myself even if no one ever reads it, which also is the reason for hating writing. As you can see Mr. Writing bump heads sometimes. For example, at school, I know someone will read it and judge it .The worst part is you know that they are going to slash it into a million tiny pieces… I can see it now;  Me as student-put hours and hours and hours into a paper and some snooty man comes and says” it’s immature, naive, oh you missed a comma there, this sentence doesn’t make sense, and your story line is weak.”-crushing! I That’s why I love to blog. There is not man behind the scenes taking note of all the mistakes and faults, that I am sure are quite easy to find. Thus my blog is a great success; most importantly it’s a success because I made it that way. I took the love for writing and transfer it into an easily accessible data base. I don’t think success is based on the numbers of followers you have but that fact that you consistently update. In fact I don’t really care if people even read my blog at all.  I feel at ease when I know for sure it out there. I at least hope that something I put our might enlighten or even make someone’s day.

Without my blog life would be boring, unorganized and overwhelming. If I didn’t write my blog I wouldn’t be able to adequately express my thoughts and feelings. I feel that so much I speak before I think and then things come out wrong and I hurt someone’s feelings. With a blog I can edit, delete, summarize. Therefore also preventing humans being involved at all which is the equation for less drama. If blogger didn’t exist my life would be unorganized. I wouldn’t be about to  lay out my options in a clear and organized fashion this helps me realize what is going on in my brain. I wouldn’t be able afterward see the clearly the best decision. I also wouldn’t be able to express my emotions about any given subject. Therefore I would be less successful because I wouldn’t e organized which could greatly affect my school work, and life. I wouldn’t be relieved of stress and have major headaches-literally and figuratively because I wouldn’t have an outlet.

By the way...

Before I get started in my church we have what is known as stake presidents and they are the president who is change of all of the bishops in a certain area. Now that that is cleared up my dad just got called to the stake presidency and right now I feel overwhelmed and grateful.

Overwhelmed because, how in the heck are we going to do this? I know that threw the Lard we can accomplish all things but how? I feel that everyday our family is just barely getting by that as of right now we have the need for more time more money and more information more than ever. I am scared! But I know that not only will this change be a trial it will most defiantly be a blessing. My father will have the opportunity to bless and sanctify the people in the Brandon stake. Lucky for him he has a supportive family that loves the gospel as much as they love him.

Last night when we were told of this change, I had just gotten home from a 12 hour rehearsal and was in no mood to talk. Hannah and I had gotten home 5 minutes before my parents did. The first thing on my mind was a nice warm shower but as soon as I hopped in mom called through the door. “Before you take a shower come have family prayer.” Reluctantly I got out of the shower put on a robe and came into the family room. I looked at my mother-annoyed- she said dad had just gone to the restroom therefore delaying my shower even further. Mother asked if I had a bad day and I said I just wanted to take a shower. She said well we are just going to have prayer and a talk. Talk? Further postponement of my shower. Dad came in and mother and he exchanged a couple of words and then dad said he was just asked to be the 2^nd counselor in the stake presidency. My first reaction I think partly because I was so annoyed at first and now I was just hit with the biggest news ever! Dad then said he was going to wait and have us find out with the rest of the stake. I laughed again. That is like them planning to tell us mom was pregnant-which won’t happen because of moms recent surgery- while she was in the middle of labor. HAHA  So there it is dad is the 2^nd counselor in the stake presidency. 

Just a thought

What if everyone from efy really did got to the same high school, like brother Woodward said. Iwouldbt even be to bothered if nonmembers were there too! It would be still really awesome! Let me explain:
Be surrounded by great spiritual people all day everyday
Have friends with the same standards that love you no matter what
The teachers would know how the mormons are and obviously love us to death!
We all would go to the same ward(which mean actual young men in ward)
And if we all are in the same ward that means we could have ward dances-forget stake or even regionals!
Have cute boys that have high standards who aren't affarid to ask me out on a date
Have an huge modesty club and no cursing club
Have highly talented kids therefore really good athletics, arts and acedemics-can you say A++++ school
We might even have enough to get the school to do early release seminary
Always have some to talk too, and sit with at lunch
Have frequent testimony meetings
and I seriously could go on and on and on! I say we make it happen some way som ehow!

Carolyn

Carolyn-someone wrote this poem for me a couple of weeks ago!

Once upon a time at efy
I met an amazing girl with smile that caught my eye

At that moment I knew I had to say hi But the problem was, I was so deathly shy
Describe her? I wouldn’t know where to begin
To describe someone like Carolyn.
She never failed to make me grin
Whenever she spoke to me my head would spin

Hanging out with the guys or dancing with her
I think we know which I’d perfer
I wish things would go back to how they were
A week ago because

Last week was efy
When that amazing girl caught my eye
When that moment when I had to say hi,
sadly turned into a goodbye.

EFY- I don't even know how to begin....

Well lets begin with the end.... I have been home from EFY for about 2 weeks now and i have yet to really go face the evils of this world. This is partially due to the fact that i work as a nanny Monday- Thursday 8-5:30, and partially due to me being scared to go bace]l to the real world. But sadily i couldn't avoid it any longer, Tuesday night i had to attend a sectional and my section was not the only one that had planned to have a sectional on this very day. One thing i did notice while i was there was everyone flocked toward me. It was weird everyone came up to me and was like hi, how was your summer? How is your mom? Who is that boy in your profile pic? It was like everyone wanted to be my best friend..... (which is funny because i always feel so alone). So not only did this make me curious as to why all of the sudden i have all of these friends but it made me happy. Now i am still not exactly sure why some people where so friendly but i am sure that others where attracted to "The Spirit Of EFY" that is in my countenance.

 Now EFY- as I explained last year after i got back- it is Especially For Youth is a week long youth-oriented seminar focused on fellowship and teaching the principles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS Church). ..AKA the best week for your life. 

Unlike last years post I WENT THIS YEAR!!!  I had an amazing time, and I met a bunch of amazing people.

This years theme was drum roll please: Believe. Hope. Endure.
Every year they have a theme and every thing you do through out the week is based on that theme. There are dances, games, FHE(family home evening), devotionals, service projects, classes, workshops, talent show and best of all testimony meeting!!One of my favorite pass times at EFY is staring at really hot Mormon boys.... JUST KIDDING! No really one of my favorite pass times is playing games down in the lodge! Ninja, Kuncha, Big booty and SOOO much more. MY favorite quote is "If you can't have fun with out drinking a beer, you obviously have never hung out with the Mormons" and boy do we know how to have F. U. N. !!!!!!!! 

I really want to post all of my notes, but I will refrain for your sake. I will just end with my testimony. I know that the gospel is true. I know it with every fiber of by being. I am so grateful for Jesus Christ, my Savior's sacrifice for me. So that i might return to live with him again. I am grateful for friends in the church, we were all truly kindred spirits in heaven and I am especially grateful for those that lift me and warn me of things to come. I am grateful for the leaders of this church they are inspired my the spirit of God and not only teach us what we need to do but comfort and encourage us. I know that the Book of Mormon is the true word of God, that if we live by its teachings we will always have "The Spirit of EFY" and Saint will never have a hold on us. I know that Joseph Smith is a prophet of God and that he translated the Book Of Mormon correctly. And i say these things in the name of our Lord and Savoir. AMEN!







Like I said in my last post about EFY my aunt Leah offered to pay for my sister and I to go.  I am truly grateful for that, I learned to so much and I feel so much stronger. I have grown to have an marvelous testimony of family and why we were put on this earth with them. To learn and to grow and to HELP and most of all to love! Families are so awesome! 

Wanna FLY with me?

Hey again. It's Carolyn. I'm listening to Owl City, flying away with myself, and it provoked me to tell you more about me. I love my life for one, as shaky, crazy, annoying, and ridiculous it may get, I always look up. I love Owl City, I love classical music, and any kind of music that gives me chills, aka Eric Whitacre (a composer for you non-bandies) among others whose music just let's my fly away in my own world. I dream, literally, of going on a cruise and having the time of my life, as I have before, but haven't in a very long time and love the idea of cruising so much that I am highly considering working on one after graduating college. School? I'm a good kid, make decent grades enough to get into NHS what not, but I find myself becoming very lazy as I progress in my high school career. I dream of attending BYU!!!!! I can't wait, i literally am sceeming to find away to get there faster if you know what i mean. I can't wait to have life ALWAYS be like EFY(which will probably the next thing i post about). I want to get my associates in cosmetology and then get my doctorate in Family studies- psychology. I can help with problems if you need, and I really kinda enjoy it so have at it lol. I play Clarinet in band  and I am decent at playing, nothing more, nothing less. I am a proud and excited leader, I am Band Captain, this year and i am super excited/nervous to take on the challenge  Once again, for non-bandies, Band Captain is the person how is the face of the band, she is the band, she does everything and anything to make it run smoothly and she has the most responsibility. I am a JESUS FREAK haha I go to Church and spend a large portion of my life, everyday , doing something with the church, and if you ever want to talk religion or JESUS, hit me up! Uhh, I think that's where I'll leave you today, I know you're so desperate to know more. I'll fill you in later on the roller coaster ride of a life that I live.