Wanna FLY with me?

Hey again. It's Carolyn. I'm listening to Owl City, flying away with myself, and it provoked me to tell you more about me. I love my life for one, as shaky, crazy, annoying, and ridiculous it may get, I always look up. I love Owl City, I love classical music, and any kind of music that gives me chills, aka Eric Whitacre (a composer for you non-bandies) among others whose music just let's my fly away in my own world. I dream, literally, of going on a cruise and having the time of my life, as I have before, but haven't in a very long time and love the idea of cruising so much that I am highly considering working on one after graduating college. School? I'm a good kid, make decent grades enough to get into NHS what not, but I find myself becoming very lazy as I progress in my high school career. I dream of attending BYU!!!!! I can't wait, i literally am sceeming to find away to get there faster if you know what i mean. I can't wait to have life ALWAYS be like EFY(which will probably the next thing i post about). I want to get my associates in cosmetology and then get my doctorate in Family studies- psychology. I can help with problems if you need, and I really kinda enjoy it so have at it lol. I play Clarinet in band  and I am decent at playing, nothing more, nothing less. I am a proud and excited leader, I am Band Captain, this year and i am super excited/nervous to take on the challenge  Once again, for non-bandies, Band Captain is the person how is the face of the band, she is the band, she does everything and anything to make it run smoothly and she has the most responsibility. I am a JESUS FREAK haha I go to Church and spend a large portion of my life, everyday , doing something with the church, and if you ever want to talk religion or JESUS, hit me up! Uhh, I think that's where I'll leave you today, I know you're so desperate to know more. I'll fill you in later on the roller coaster ride of a life that I live. 

Professional Family Photos

I hate change

Today one of my really good friends from freshman year (who has since graduated) walked into guidance. Now silly me thought we could pick up were we left off gave set person a really big hug. In return I got a half hearted huge back and a pathetic smile. And while small talk may have been considerate it only seemed forced and awkward. It makes me sad, I wish things could just go back to the way they were.

I realize that as we grow older we have encounter hard situations but I had no idea that it would be so soon.

One minute you think someone loves you then they never speak to you, make rude commits about your believes, and insist that everything you do is wrong. The last time I checked I was just doing what I thought was right. You go from practically sharing everything and talking all the time to not even saying hello or good morning or how are you? It makes me sad, I wish things could just go back to the way they were.

Now because of change people are choosing sides. Almost like a game of man hunt, except you are left in a team that includes you and yourself. The other team/teams try to make you pick sides; choosing by who you like more, who is the coolest, who makes the best grades etc. The only thing that is racing around in the little extra room in your brain is "why can't we be friends?" and although it may sound like side humor to lighten the mood it's not. It's it actually how you feel. One team expects you to stab the other in the back while the others want you to spy and get secret info from the the opposing team's leaders. Keep in mind you are only one girl and all though you may have a little back up help from those how truly love you, you have you have to fight this battle on your own.

Then a ton of bricks crashing down on you. No friends, no connection, no one to help you out; paralyzed. You have to start making decisions and choosing over good, better, or best. Finally when you make a decision those situations left behind are still a problem. Because even though you make the best decision for youself it doesn't matter because you didn't do what everyone else wanted or expected.  In the end you are left and even worst situation. It makes me sad, I wish things could just go back to the way they were.

Even then you are not getting "feed" in the way you should. Their is not enough nutrients! So, you have to provide for yourself practically "feeding" everyone else on the way  because they are suffering from the same malnutrition. This famine dominoes to were you have to pick up the pieces. You are expected to do things out of your comfort zone and sometimes out of your ability. It makes me sad, I wish things could just go back to the way they were.

But don't forget on top of all of this turmoil and chaos you have that one thing. This thing has weighted you down since the day you entered this life; and  it will exist til the day you die. You won't let it weigh you down but others will use it against you and when they do it only makes life just that much harder. Judging and criticism only leads to unhappiness. It makes me sad, I wish things could just go back to the way they were.


The worst thing of all is not that you are changing its all of the people around you. Sure you may get a hair cut or a nice new dress, HEY your likes and dislikes may have changed but since day one you have always stuck to your guns. The standard hasn't dropped, the morals were never lost, the values never changed. Just the apathy of others.

Beauty school drop out...

Ok so really I am not going to drop out of high school to go to beauty school, but I am going  none the less.(Actually I am thinking about going but it's a very big possibility.) 
If you have any inspired(or not so inspired) answers please help!!


Here is the main issue:
1) Do I go at all?

• Beauty school cost a lot of money and the reason for me going is to help pay for college, and have an income if needed when I have a family. But is it really beneficiary to have to play, lets just say, 14,900 big bucks to get in?

• Will I be happy with graduating early and moving on?

Next issue:
2) If I do end up going, which one do i attend? Aveda? or Manhattan? 
This part people could be bias so I am going to make the questions general. 

• Do I go to the one far away or near?(both will equal out in gas money because of how many days of the week I attend)
• Do I go to the one with the one that is more expensive but a better education?
• Do I even go to Aveda or Manhattan?
• Should I go live with my grandmother in Utah and go to beauty school there?
• Do i go to the one that takes 13 months or the 7 and 1/2?

Next issue:  
3) Where do i get the money to pay for beauty school?

• Should I work two part time jobs this summer?
• Do I even meet the requirements to apply for financial ad?   
• Do I take out loans? 

Next issue: 
4) Do I only study cosmetology?

• Should I study just hair? Or do I do it all?
• Do I do everything?  Or do I just do the one that will make the most money?

 
 

Someone is watching over me

I have always known that God is and will never cease to watch over me stop But this past week I have become aware of the fact that not only God is watching over me but he has a lot of other "angles" you could say that are helping him out stop Thank you! All of those who are secretly and openly watching over me stop

Obanda?

Some much on my mind, I can't sleep

First I would like to designate this section of this blog posts to tattoos. (Well maybe I shouldn't say designate, that is not the right word... I like authorized better.) I dislike tattoos with a passion, not because they are ugly(which they are), not because they cost a butt load of money(because they do), not because I am not allowed to get one(but who in their right mind would want one any way), not because they will look AWESOME in thirty years-sarcasm-(which they won't when you are all saggy), BUT because they defile the most precious thing we have on this earth. The only thing that is really ours to make bad chooses in,(and getting a tattoo is a bad choose) live, and have free agency in and you and go damage it. Something that is already priceless and beautiful ruined. Don't you know that your body is a temple of the Lord that is quite frankly out on lone right now to you. Would you ask to borrow a book for someone you respect and love, then go and tell your kids its a coloring book? NO, why is OK to ask to borrow a body and then get "pretty colors and cool designs" all over it? 
And before you get offended I would have you know that if you are one of my close friends and you have a tattoo, I still love you and don't hate you because you have a tattoo. I just wish you wouldn't have gotten one, it makes me sad more than angry to see you do something like this to your body.
OK! Enough with my ranting....
Tonight while I was on a date, my date stated something "life is good" and it kinda brought this whole wave of emotion, lately I have been putting my self down and secluding myself from situation because of financial reasons and the silliest, stupid things make me upset . But "life is good" I have a home, family, good friends and the gospel. Life can't get much better than this. Why am I complaining, I have so many things to be thankful for(BTW HAPPY THANKSGIVING) and even if the world was coming to and end, i still have plenty of things to be thankful for. Some times we lose sight of things that actually matter, and one thing that I learned last Sunday is ingratitude is one of the best sins that LDS people today make. I guess it's because we have so much all of the time, we never even think of a life without it. And because it's that time of year one of my favorite songs pops into me mind "Because I have been given much I too must give, Because of thy great bounty each day I live, I shall divide my gifts from thee with every brother that  I see, who has the need of help from me?...  My goal for this week is to give to those in need.
I read something tonight that inspired me and I would like to close with it
“If ever there is a tomorrow when we’re not together, there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart, I’ll always be with you.”

-Winnie the Pooh