18 and a beauty queen

Ok, so Thursday was my birthday.
Honestly it has been the worst birthday yet.
Don't get me wrong I ended up having a really nice party and I loved it. Alas it didn't turn out as planned.
Let me start from the beginning.
On Wednesday the day before my birthday I got braces.
The day of my birthday was the same day as Brainbowl competition so most of my friends weren't at school. However, most of them didn't even remember... I had to tell them. Even though I had been announcing it all week. Also, my band director wasn't there which meant I never got sang too.
Then i was suppose to hang out with my boyfriend after school. But is dumb teachers gave him a lot of home work so i came home and did nothing but play solitaire until my mom got home.
Then we had my birthday dinner that was made especially for my special day and I couldn't even eat it because my teeth hurt so bad.
Finally I my friend came over and lightened my day with cookies, card and Ern's quote page. Then followed my best friend with a plat of vegan brownies and a balloon. Soon after I got a birthday call from another friend. But my grandparents didn't call, cousins didn't call, my uncles/aunts didn't call, basically none of my family remembered.
On Saturday I planned to host my party at a tea room in down town plant city. It was planned that we would go to the train station and tracks and Hannah would take pictures of me and my friends. Then we would go have tea and the proceed to peruse the thrift shops. I invited 6 friends and only one came. My sister only wanted to take pictures of thing rather then people. And we were only able to go to one thrift shop because people had other things planned.  I wanted to cry all day but i only got 3 hours of sleep the night before so I thought I was just tired. After my party i just came home and slept all the way until 10 when i had to get up for church.
Today i just cried without holding back. This time I knew it wasn't because of my lack of sleep it was just because i had an aweful birthday.
I got to church and again no one sang to me. Sunday school was awful because all three classes where put together and people wouldn't shut up! Then we got to relief society and I went to the bathroom and cried. Because, I didn't belong anywhere. Not with the chatty immature young women, and not with the adults. They would say in the announcements "all the young women going to camp" which excluded me. And then they would say " everyone should attend the relief society birthday party".."are young women invited?".."no" which excluded me. I am stuck in the middle with one friend and no group that welcomes me.
People said to me today. How is it being an adult and I just shrugged my shoulders and they said, "trust me, you will hate it." What really wanted to say was "I already do."

Mom told me today that the loneliness will only continue until I find my eternal mate.... I guess she is right, espcailly at usue. I don't know a soul. We here's to growing up. I really hope my mom is wrong. I don't want to fell alone....

Drum roll please:D(just saw this in my drafts, it was suppose to be published but never was.)

I guess I  haven't told blog world yet but..... I got my Personal Progress Award!

Aren't you proud? I sure am. It was a lot of hard work but i a so glad i did it!

For all those who are unaware of the the Personal Progress Program out there... A Personal Progress Award is an award given to young woman once they complete 6 mini projects ( taking up to an hour or a couple of months to finish) as well as complete atleast10 hour projects for EACH of the 8 sections or values. As well as attend sacrament meeting regularly, live with high standards keep a journal, attend seminary, read the Book of Mormon regularly, and have a testimony of our Savior Jesus Christ .

Now I have not received my medallion in the mail yet but is on the way. For the time being i am working on getting my honor bee which requires me to read the Book Of Mormon again, and serve others for a total of 40 hours.

I can only hope that I will continue to engage in such great virtues and become as President Erza Taft Benson has expressed.. "Give me a young woman who loves home and family, who reads and ponders the scriptures daily, who has a burning testimony of the Book of Mormon. Give me a young woman who faithfully attends her church meetings, who is a seminary graduate, who has earned her Young Womanhood Recognition Award and wears it with pride! Give me a young woman who is virtuous and who has maintained her personal purity, who will not settle for less than a temple marriage, and I will give you a young woman who will perform miracles for the Lord now and throughout eternity."

 I hope to conduct a recognition as soon as i receive it. And boy am I glad it's out of the way!!!

Saved drafts

As I am sitting here cleaning out my blog. Looking at all of the post that I have saved as drafts I realized that this blog has been my outlet. The only think that I can openly pour out my soul into. And although some of the things I have written and not published are just being deleted  I am glad I had some place to write my thoughts down and just get them off my mind. I am a compulsive writer, I write all the time. Most of the time it doesn't make since but it always makes me feel better. Writing down a to do list and organize it in my brain is calming, writing my emotions is relieving effect, and  writing for school work is "doing work".And in the case of my blog some of my emotions just needed to be expressed,and then thrown away for no one else to see. I wish I had saved a lot of my post on my blog as drafts I look back on them and see how naive I was. But on the other hand I am proud of what I have become. Besides, no one really reads my blog. (OK, like two people). . I am glad it's only two people. I don't want the whole world to see me at my weakest.But those two people who do read it  I know they will love me no matter what. 

Good bye old saved drafts- I am sorry you were never published. Maybe someday.

Good night world- or should I say two people who read my blog. 

No concrete

So as you all probably already know, but I will just say it for kicks and giggles. I didn't get into BYU. And as of right now I am scared out of my mind. Scared because I don't know what to do. I had all of these plans and now I am walking on unstable ground. No concrete.
          The night I read my rejection letter, I cried and didn't stop until about two days later. I cried because I wasn't good enough. My plans were shattered and the people I had made plans with were just going to go on and live there lives with out me. It was thrown a curve-ball that hit me right in the head.
           After realizing that crying wasn't making the acceptance letter slowly appear on my computer screen, I began to pray and fast. Although no answer is completely clear-and I don't expect it to be- I now know that BYU isn't where I am suppose to be. I don't know why, I just know.
            However, my grandfather-the one who works and USUE- thinks that I can get a full ride scholarship as an ambassador. Which would be great for me and my families financial situation right now. But it's scary, I don't know a single soul going there.
             I pray that the Lord will lead me to path which I am take. I pray that I be able to have a learning experience. And that I will be able to meet people just as cool Noj NawEcm.- I am sorry we can't go mountain climbing together at BYU.:(

College just around the conner

        I am afraid, until just recently i have been looking forward to graduating and leaving Florida. Then something unexpected happened. I became "attached." Now  I don't want to leave. Because when I leave, all of my life here will stop. I know that when I go to school, I know i will meet a lot of people I have new friends (excuse me while I go into a bratty rant) but i like my friends here,  i am comfortable with my environment. and everyone knows that trying to be friends with people that live 112901283940821378572573489721398479213847 miles away. And when long distance does work both parties have to work extra hard to keep up with both lives.I want to cry now and I haven't left yet. I know that when i finally do leave, I will cry for a cozillion days.

Learning

The past couple of weeks have been a learning experience. From everything to circumcision to rolling a joint. I feel like because I have learned so much I have found out a lot about my personality and who I am.
As most of you know my aunt Leah has had her baby boy. Henry cotton Lowe the 4th. 8lbs 9oz at 2:19 January 11 2012. I call him prince Henry. Anyway, I have spent a lot of my time with Leah and the baby. I have learned what, why, how, and when they circumcise a baby boy. I have learned about breast feeding and everything and anything I need to know about child birth. I think It's scary!!!!! I am freaking out. But I can't wait, I mean I can...
I learned that if you know how to roll a buritio you can roll a joint.
I learned that god loves you no matter what, no matter what choices you make or the people you effect he loves you!!!!

Let me explain, no there is too much, let me sum up

I got to talk to my brother on christmas day
I got to hang with a friend I hadn't seen in awhile
My aunt Jill and uncle David came down for new years with there 4 boys
Had to say good bye to a close friend
Got rejected from BYU-H
I have an awesome boyfriend
Went to Ikea and got a orange umbrella
Going to a dance to night
Got Oxfords for Christmas
Realized I really am going to miss my high school friends
Made new friends with two Hispanic workers at the park
Realized that wickedness is NEVER happiness.
Stood up for something
Got a hair cut
Making a new years resolution to post more on blogger
Had a wonderful meal at whole foods!
Finished a semester of college
Reading crossed-so good!
Got to quote elf in every sentence this Christmas season!
Had an adventure and got to tell a distant friend about it-wish we dis that more often!
Pretty much what has happened since the last time I updated!